didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
