I just saw a hot homeless man
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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