It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
