Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
