The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
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And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
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you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.