I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Let's get the cat blown out
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.