I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
this boner is exhausting
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I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
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Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.