Wat do u mean how?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette