Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
