She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
