I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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