If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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