So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
