dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
