oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
