Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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