Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
