Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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