I'm really into asian looking animals
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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