apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
