Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
