I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
