I'm gonna have a badass scar
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I don't deserve a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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