Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
A+ Viking dick
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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