I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
third nipple confirmed
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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