got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
