its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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