After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
