You smell like a Billy Joel song
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
