You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
you traded sex for a burrito?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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