went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
