can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize