Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
