where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
