New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize