I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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