his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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