everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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