cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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