Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
