I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
