She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
