Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
