Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
