took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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