Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
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