just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
