I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I think I won the penis lottery.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
