What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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