I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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