Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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