Michael Bay diarrhea
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
