I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
