yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just found puke in my bra..
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
