I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
