I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
