you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
