i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
