i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
