That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
