I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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