I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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