My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
