My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Randomize
