Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My breasts were aching with rage.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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