If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
