This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
