I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
She's not a foreskin expert like you
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
