god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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