In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
