i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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