Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
