Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
