coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
