Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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