You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
