As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
