Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
