I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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