God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
