real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
